Dealing with friction between two people the day it starts.
Relationships at work are among the reasons leavers most often give us, and friction between two people almost never resolves itself. The first conversation is small, separate and today.
On this page
A same-day quiet word with each person, a decision about what kind of problem it is, and a short forward-looking conversation together.
You saw it: the look across the desk, the reply-all that was one line too sharp, the two people who used to sit together and now do not. Every manager’s instinct is to let it settle. It will not; it will go underground, and in three months one of them will be in your one-to-one saying they are thinking of leaving.
Day one: separately, and listen
- Same day, a quiet word with each person on their own. Open with what you saw, not what you concluded: “I saw something earlier I want to understand. What happened, from your side?”
- Listen. Ask what they need. Do not adjudicate, do not relay what the other person said, do not promise an outcome.
- Say you will come back to them tomorrow. Then do.
Day two: decide what kind of problem it is
Most friction is one of three things. A work problem (unclear handovers, overlapping responsibilities, one person carrying the other): fix the work and say you have. A moment (a bad day, a sharp word, already regretted): a short conversation with both, in which each says one thing they will do differently, and you say what you expect. A pattern (the same two people, repeatedly): name it to both, agree how they will work together in practice, write it down, and review it in a month. If there is any suggestion of bullying or discrimination, this is no longer a quiet word; follow your organisation’s process and involve HR.
Bringing them together
Only when both are ready and you have heard both. Set it up as forward-looking: not who was right, but how the next month will work. Each person says what they will do; you say what you will notice. Ten minutes. Then watch, and thank them when it holds.
Write it down
Date, people, what each said, what you did. If it recurs, you will need it, and you will be glad you did not rely on memory.
The clearest thirty minutes in your week.
Send us your last engagement survey and we’ll show you what it’s missing – no charge, no deck, no obligation. Or start with a pilot or a 30-minute conversation.